[se01ep17] somewhere far away (i need a sign)

I need a sign that I will be able to organize my world, that I will turn from chaos to my true self.
I need a sign that there will be people in my world who will truly care for me and I will care for others.
I need an understanding that everything around me and in me is illness or health, an illness that I will not hide behind and health that I will share endlessly.
I need a sign that I am valuable, valuable both as an angry patient and as a happy healthy person.
I need a sign that my experience and life wisdom is valuable and worth sharing.

finally, I need a sign that all doubts will one day be dispelled and I will feel myself and understood in life…

there is still room

there is still room for my house somewhere
where it will be nice, calm and warm
where there will be no pain and anxiety
somewhere is still my home

there is still room for my path somewhere
where I will be tired but I will be myself
where I love, I will lose, I will find
there is still my path somewhere

there is still room for my health somewhere
where there will be a quiet night and a busy night
where there will be no anger and noise
I still have my health somewhere

peace is still waiting somewhere
where all misfortunes are healed and calmed down
when the sun shines on a windy day
peace is still waiting somewhere

[se01ep16] I understand and I don’t want (amongst the madness)

the strange music haunts me again and it’s hard for me to do anything good when everything is on fire. I blame myself and others, it’s hard for me to understand what and how because I’m exhausted from constant attacks about school and life, which I decided to change little by little. (details later).

I thought that blackness would catch me again because everything was real and serious enough, but whether I got away with it myself (or others didn’t pay attention), they got me out.

now, I feel that I have recovered, and the world seems brighter, but the problems remain the same,. I will go to Lazdijs to R.Ž, we will see if I will get the help that I need (again).

Rebel Beats Syndicate, The Book – 11. Betrayal’s Echo

Chapter 11: Betrayal’s Echo

As the Rebel Beats Syndicate geared up for their audacious operation to expose the regime’s dark agenda, Chapter 11 delves into the shadows of suspicion and the echoes of betrayal that threatened to unravel their carefully laid plans.

The rebel alliance, once united by their shared purpose, found itself in a precarious position. The regime had become increasingly vigilant, and every move the Syndicate made was closely monitored. The rebels knew that one misstep could lead to catastrophic consequences.

In the midst of this tense atmosphere, rumors of a mole within the Syndicate began to circulate. Whispers in the dark suggested that someone from within their ranks might be feeding information to the regime. Paranoia and mistrust simmered, eroding the once-solid bonds of the alliance.

Alex, torn between his loyalty to the cause and his desire to uncover the truth, took it upon himself to investigate these allegations. He retraced the Syndicate’s recent activities, searching for any patterns or anomalies that might reveal the identity of the alleged traitor.

As he delved deeper into the shadows, Alex discovered a series of encrypted messages that had been intercepted by the regime. These messages contained sensitive information about the Syndicate’s plans and operations. The evidence pointed to a leak from within their ranks, but the identity of the mole remained elusive.

The revelation sent shockwaves through the Syndicate. Accusations flew, and trust among the rebels eroded further. The operation to expose the regime’s dark agenda hung in the balance, with the very real threat of betrayal casting a long shadow over their efforts.

Chapter 11 explores the growing paranoia and mistrust within the Rebel Beats Syndicate as they grapple with the possibility of a traitor in their midst. The rebels must confront the echoes of betrayal, not only from external forces but from within their own ranks. Their ability to unearth the truth and maintain their unity will determine the success of their mission and the survival of their rebellion.


[se01ep15] the last chance to make my dream come true

it’s the last week until the decision is announced and it’s still hard for me, but if she helps me it will be better for me to stay in school.
now my social worker also holds the position of deputy, and if she helps me today, we will talk to the teacher of the school where I study and maybe the deputy of the school department …
I don’t know, but recently I began to doubt the school, the officials of my boarding school and I lost my spirit, psyche and emotions.
last week was full of misunderstanding, miscommunication and nonsense for which I don’t feel guilty. it was difficult when I was left without the help that was needed (and still needed) at that moment.
I realized that I was left alone with my demons.
though there is meltdown after meltdown, challenges for poetry and community affairs have hit a wall….
Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about science and THEIR attitude towards us, I’m thinking about dropping out of school or proving to myself that I can overcome difficulties.
one more thing about the psyche – three meltdowns in a few weeks, and anyway, I have to stay healthy, a super person, and if it doesn’t work out, what and where next…..

The Rebel Beats Syndicate, The Book – 10. The Battle Within

Chapter 10: The Battle Within

With the revelation of the regime’s sinister music manipulation program, the Rebel Beats Syndicate stood on the precipice of their most crucial battle. Chapter 10 delves into the inner turmoil and external challenges the rebels faced as they prepared to expose the truth to the world.

The alliance between those who had once supported Victor Kane and those who had rallied behind Ember remained intact, but tensions simmered beneath the surface. The rebels grappled with doubts and fears, wondering if they were truly prepared for the battle that lay ahead.

As they planned their operation to expose the regime’s dark agenda, the Syndicate faced a formidable adversary. The regime had intensified its efforts to silence dissent, employing an army of enforcers and surveillance technology that left no corner of the city untouched.

Inside the Syndicate, trust had been rebuilt, but the scars of past divisions remained. The rebels knew that they had to put aside their differences and focus on their common goal. The battle within themselves, to reconcile their past conflicts and forge a united front, was just as important as the external battle against the regime.

In a secret meeting held in the heart of their underground network, the Syndicate’s leaders, including Alex, Victor Kane, and Ember, addressed their members. They spoke of the importance of unity, of standing together in the face of oppression, and of the power of music and art to inspire change.

As they prepared for the battle, the rebels found solace in the melodies of defiance, in the rhythm of their shared determination. They knew that the price of their rebellion was high, but they were willing to pay it for the sake of a world where music and freedom could flourish once more.

Chapter 10 is a testament to the internal and external battles the Rebel Beats Syndicate must confront as they prepare to expose the regime’s darkest secrets. Their unity is their greatest strength, but the challenges they face are monumental. The question now is whether their shared resolve and the power of music can overcome the regime’s formidable might.

Rebel Beats Syndicate, The Book – 9: Secrets Unveiled

Chapter 9: Secrets Unveiled

In Chapter 9, the Rebel Beats Syndicate’s determination to challenge the oppressive regime reached a breaking point as they uncovered a web of secrets that exposed the true extent of the regime’s control and cruelty.

As the rebels planned their next acts of resistance, a brave member of the Syndicate, Marisol, managed to infiltrate a highly classified government facility. What she discovered within those cold, sterile walls would send shockwaves through the Syndicate.

Marisol uncovered evidence of the regime’s most sinister project yet – a program that used music as a tool for mass manipulation and control. The government had developed a technology capable of weaponizing sound, using it to suppress dissent and brainwash the population into obedience.

This revelation shook the Syndicate to its core. The regime’s manipulation of music, once a source of rebellion and freedom, had now become a weapon against them. The rebels realized that they were not only fighting for their own freedom but for the very soul of art and expression.

The secrets unveiled by Marisol propelled the Syndicate into a new phase of their resistance. They knew that they had to expose the regime’s dark agenda to the world, but doing so would be their riskiest operation yet. It would require the combined efforts of all members of the alliance, including those who had once supported Victor Kane and those who had rallied behind Ember.

As they prepared to unveil the truth to the world, the Syndicate grappled with the weight of this revelation. Their resolve to challenge the regime was stronger than ever, but they also understood that the regime’s response would be merciless. In the darkness of uncertainty, they found the courage to confront the truth and expose the regime’s darkest secrets to the world.

Chapter 9 marks a turning point in the Rebel Beats Syndicate’s struggle, as they unearth the regime’s most closely guarded secrets and prepare to reveal them to the world. The battle for freedom and the power of music takes on a new dimension, one where the very essence of art and expression hangs in the balance.

RebelBeats Syndicate, The Book, – 8: The Price of Defiance

Chapter 8: The Price of Defiance

With their newfound alliance, the Rebel Beats Syndicate faced a critical decision in Chapter 8 – the decision to continue their defiant struggle against the oppressive regime, knowing that the price of defiance could be higher than ever before.

The rebels had come together, bridging the divide between those who had supported Victor Kane and those who had rallied behind Ember. Their shared purpose had rekindled hope, but it had also rekindled the regime’s interest in their activities.

As they prepared for their next acts of rebellion, the Syndicate understood that the stakes had been raised. The regime had grown more ruthless in its efforts to suppress dissent, resorting to brutal crackdowns and increased surveillance. The rebels knew that each act of defiance carried with it the potential for dire consequences.

Alex, still haunted by the revelation about Victor Kane’s coerced involvement, found himself grappling with a difficult question: was the price of their rebellion too high? Was it worth risking their lives and the lives of those they cared about to challenge the regime?

In the face of this uncertainty, the Syndicate’s resolve was put to the test. They knew that they could no longer operate in the shadows, and that their actions would have far-reaching consequences. The price of defiance was not just personal risk, but also the responsibility of carrying the hopes and dreams of those who yearned for a world where music, art, and freedom could thrive.

Chapter 8 explores the difficult choices and sacrifices the Rebel Beats Syndicate must make as they confront the grim reality of their rebellion. The question of whether the price of defiance is worth paying weighs heavily on their minds as they prepare for their most daring and dangerous actions yet. In this crucible of uncertainty, the rebels will discover the true depth of their commitment to their cause and to each other.

Rebel Beat Syndicate, The Book, – 7. Alliance in the Dark

Chapter 7: Alliance in the Dark

As the Rebel Beats Syndicate teetered on the edge of dissolution, the need for unity became more pressing than ever. Chapter 7 reveals how, in the darkest hour, unexpected alliances began to form, and the rebels discovered that their shared cause was more important than the divisions that threatened to tear them apart.

The revelation about Victor Kane’s coerced double life as Maestro had sent shockwaves through the Syndicate. Some rebels were willing to forgive him, recognizing that he had been a victim of the regime’s manipulation. Others, however, could not easily forget the deception and believed that Victor should be held accountable for his actions.

Amidst this turmoil, Alex found himself in the company of those who believed in a path of reconciliation. They saw the value in Victor’s experience and leadership, even as they acknowledged the need for transparency and collective decision-making within the Syndicate.

Alex and others like him sought a compromise, a way to bridge the gap between the factions led by Victor Kane and Ember. The rebels engaged in heated discussions and debates, airing their grievances and fears, but also sharing their dreams of a world where music and art could flourish freely.

Slowly, the embers of unity began to glow once more within the Syndicate. Rebels from different backgrounds and perspectives realized that their shared vision for a better world was more powerful than their differences. They formed an alliance in the dark, a pact to work together for the common good.

In Chapter 7, the Rebel Beats Syndicate undergoes a transformation as rebels from opposing factions find common ground. The power of their shared purpose begins to outweigh the shadows of deceit and division that had threatened to tear them apart. The question now is whether this newfound alliance can withstand the regime’s relentless pursuit and whether their unity can pave the way for a brighter future.

[se01ep14] decisions

I need to make a decision about school and studies.
I have been having a hard time with my health lately, because of the stress and their attitude towards me.
I have a dream to work in IT and it’s hard for me to give it up because of the pressure and my health.

1. solution
I need to drop everything and look after my health because maybe health is more expensive than dreams.
then I will prove to them what kind of garbage I am in their eyes – not reliable, not independent, and not responsible, although I really want it to be the opposite in my life.
2. solution
to go to school regardless of your emotional and mental health, and sooner or later end up in an asylum, ignoring the pain and emotions of sitting in a classroom. and then everything will be proven to them but my health is bad

at any cost to realize your dream of an IT job, and first to prove to yourself and then to others that:
I am reliable and responsible
I am independent
I can (when necessary) overcome myself